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bothered by drugs

* I want to see it shine*

I called him.Left a message.Knowing that he wouldnt pick up....I waited til alomost 3 in the morning to call him just so I knew he wouldnt pick up.And when his voicemail came on...I lost all my words.And I stuttered a bit.I told him that I didnt know what to say,and that I still didnt know what to say,and i thanked him,and then I told him that I called him and that was it.Stupid.
Its all just stupid.My feelings,my actions,just everything.I cant have someone in my life or Tys life that needs the drugs.The coke.Coke makes you stupid.It makes you do stupid shit,it makes you say stupid shit.Like how you love someone.How you miss them.How your their sweetheart.I really wish I could understand that stupid fucking drug.And it wouldnt bother me so much if when he did it...he wouldnt get stupid.And it really wouldnt bother me if he did it every once in a while.It really wouldnt bother me if I knew that it was his heart thats saying the things to me and not the drugs.And it really wouldnt bother me if I tried again.But I do think the drugs woud bother me...and like always...the drugs are always there.The drugs make up the love.The feelings.The emotions.Once again..the drugs would just take it all away from me,from him...from others.

2:27 p.m. - 2005-10-29

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