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----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ashes watching teen mom and I think to myself...how young and dumb.Yet I was there.My son is 19..has a better paying job than I do,and has the cutest apartment ever.One I wished I would have had when he moved on.I wonder if I just wasent "made"to have any more.I was always on birth control with Dan.Never with Kyle..and what happened there?The in betweens never mattered enough yet always mattered enough either to slip one on or to go to Plan B.Tony was fixed and so is Nate.I guess I was good enough just to have the boy.Or maybe he was all I needed.Its been rough these past few weeks.I am changing.Something awful.I feel depression.I feel ugliness.I feel unloved.As usual.I should not.Yet...the blank is there.The silent .the cold.The dark.The over thinking.The not thinking enough.The missing pieces.The broken parts.The grey.The black.There are no colors.Its all the same and nothing makes me happy.Once again.I fall.Apart.I haveto question what is wrong with me and why .I come up with a nothing.A blank.Silence.What happened to me?Why do I live one day and then ...I go away for a while?Why do I go away more than I live when I want nothing but to live? 8:22 p.m. - 2013-10-24 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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