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----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I have a ghost in my window. I had a dream last night that he died.Again.That he died once and then it happened all over again.And I was stuck in a place that wouldnt let me go to his funeral,and I was online for directions to the funeral home.And I needed to see him.To see what he looked like after all this time.And it felt so...GOD.DAMN.REAL.I fuckg miss him.I wonder what we would be like,I wonder if we would have been married by now,kids no kids....I have such a pain when I think of these things.I get so fucking angry and I wanna self fucking destruct.I want pills and booze and drugs and anything that covers the hurt.Anything that takes it away...anything that makes it better.I want to stop feeling like I am going to explode.I want to stop feeling as though I could run.Run.Run.Get away and get no where.I want to stop being in love with him and start loving others.I want to go back to hat one night...and fix it all.Fix the broken circle,fix this life before it started.Drugs took him away and today...I can say that they take me away too.Closer to him...closer to me....closer to where I need to be. 8:58 a.m. - 2010-11-15 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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