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----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- down the rabbit hole I dont know.It all seems so meaning...less.I have been going to the gym in the mornings.And I listen to my dumb ipod and certain songs remind me of certain things like anyone else.Yet...I listen to these songs and I think back to a ppoint when Kyle was there...Josh was there...even Vern.All these feelings and I get ....I get ...mad?I work oout harder.I work out longer.I have been so ...nothing these past few days that the only feeling I can get is from working out and listening to these songs and remembering.Im fucked.I live in a 170,000 dollar home with the greatest guy ever.my life feels complete yet its so empty.I take my pill in the morning and still haveto manage a smile.What the fuck is wrong with me?And why the hell can I not be happy?I thought that maybe...just maybe I was not meant to be happy...then I thought that that idea...that little thought was all bullshit....No one is meant to be unhappy.No one is meant to live their life as an unhappy person....so then I thought...well...maybe...just maybe I make it this way.But I still got up...I still did my "mom"duties I still did the things that SHOULD make me happy...and I still am just...here.Im always just ........here.Thats how I feel.Thats how I fucking feel.Just here.When did this feeling come and when is it going away?When will I ever feel as if I have a place?This is all me...no one else.This is how I feel and I can not shake it.Im lonely..yet I have people.I am sad..yet I am happy.What the fuck is wrong with me?And why....why cant I ever be just.....here? 2:45 p.m. - 2010-03-26 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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