Photobucket I have said to much

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The noise I hear

I can tell I havent taken my medication for a minute.This morning at the gym I felt over whelmed.I felt like running,crying,screaming.I thought about Kyle to much,I thought about how disgusted I am with myself.And I just wanted to go away.And my doctor wants to take me off these mother fuckers?I think not.Kids are getting on my fucking nerves too.I did have a good weekend with them though.But the weekend was enough.Hannah is not so bad,but her brothers piss me off quite a bit.One because he is a lair and to sneaky.The other?Because he is fucking lazy and is quite a little baby when it comes to things.Tony sees none of this and if he does?He ignores it.Thomas pisses me off alot.He is just down right lazy.He washes his clothes and then never puts them away....he dosent know the meaning of money.He wont like oorange soda one day but the next he will.He just needs to grow the fuck up.None of the kids are bad,they all have their downfalls...that I understand...but man...Tonys ex wife sure treats them as if they are babies and I would not be surprised if she still wipes their asses.So this is what happens when I dont take my medicine.Everything pisses me off and I dont want to be around anyone.I am making some changes for myself too(once again)I am thinking of going vegetarian again for the simple fact that I was healthier and liked myself a bit better.I do haveto stop smoking again too.I keep sneaking one here and one there...its only geting worse.And I would like to see if I can get more hours at work.Going from cash every day to a paycheck every other week is hard.I have 20 bucks to my name for the next 5 days and less then a half tank of gas.I just want to do more so i am alone more..I know this all because i dont take my fucking pills like I should.I do it all to myself.Its almost as if I haveto.Kindof like part of my life .To keep going up and keep coming down.

9:17 a.m. - 2010-03-15

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