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----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- No thru traffic Ever feel as if you just need to GET THE FUCK OUT?Yea...thats me.I dont think the boy toy realizes how bad work can take a toll on me.Im on my fucking feet 8 to 10 hours a day,I haveto carry trays that weight like 50 pounds on my shoulder.Last night I came home,I was tired.And I was sore.So I told him that I was going to lay in bed and watch tv.Is that wrong?His smile disappeared.He came into bed a short while later while the kids were still awake.He fell asleep..and there I laid.Eyes wide open,I hear running around.I hear yelling.I hear screaming.I hear more running around.And I hear snoring.I get up and send them all to fucking bed.He was still snoring.But...but as soon as I text someone...he wakes up.I do the dirty work around here and right now?Im pretty fucking tired of it.Im pissed and I want a fucking vacation away from everyone.We....WE agreed that if the kids left their lights on...we...WE would take the light bulbs away.How else are theygoing to learn?Its everyday,every day these kids leave lights on every where,they have had a little over a month to fix that...I have given them alot of warnings and gave them alot hints when I did see them on.Last night was the first night I took a bulb away.Now...you haveto remember,I was at work until about 9.Went upstairs to change and there was the light on.The bulb was hot,and there Tony sat.When his son knocked on our bedroom door,Tony asked me if I was going to ignore him because after all...he was looking for ME.Looking for me?Why of course he was!!!!Im the one that took away the bulb..even though we both agreed on it.There is no teamwork anymore and things are getting old.Everything is a routine.You are always reminding people and Im always trying to enforce things that shouldnt haveto be.I need a real day off from work,and a real day off from home.Yet work gives me money and works gets me away from home and home gets me away from work ,so really?I dont fucking win.Im going to try to get to Flordia,I was going to send the boy there but my sister did say that tickets were cheap and that if I wanted to stay with her I could.I have yet to talk to Tony about this but I am going.As long as I have the cash.The kids dont fucking like me anyways.They did in the past.Before I was the dead end to their fun.Before I had to make rules and before I had to make sure they did what they were soppouse to do.I ask myself more and more...is this worth it?Yes I am happy ,my child s happy and Tony has given me life.Yet,this life is giving me a dead end and I liked life better when it kept going. 9:22 a.m. - 2010-01-02 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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