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Old Familiar Ways

I love the chilly weather.I love being in oversized clothes,I love hibernating.All I have been doing is sleeping,seems as if I am always tired,maybe just bored.Either way,I love sleeping,if I am not sleeping then I am bored and I am eating.I have been good to myself today,not eating much but sleeping enough.And I think I can keep it up.I think I can get to that point where I once was,where I didnt care what I wore,or if I had to get up because at lease then something fit me.

**Your Better Off That Way**

Josh called me last night to tell me that I didnt like to "touch base"with him.And that he is guessing I dont want to talk.Although I was talking to him.I feel bad,I cant give him what he wants,or what he can give me,its not a 50/50 kindof thing,he gives 99%,and I dont even think I give the remaining 1%,I have tried and I just cant do it.I just cant give whatever he wants me to give.And he told me that he wouldnt give up on me,but I think that it is coming down to it,which is my fault and I will be fine with it all,because he deserves someone who can give him what he needs.And I will admit that the past couple of weeks,I have felt lonely.I have felt the need to have my tuesdays back,and sit at Barnes and Noble and write.I miss doing it,I miss writing everything,I miss telling someone whats going on,I miss having someone to tell.

5:45 p.m. - 2004-10-03

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