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----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Gray day inside and out I thought we could take on the whole world, and be together forever *************************** I am not having a good fucking day.I woke up and just started crying.And I cant stop but I haveto because I haveto go to work..work is all I do and for what?Everything is going quite wrong for me.All I do is work and I have no money,and the money that I will make from the faire will all go towards my car and even then I wont probaly have enough,and then I haveto work my ass off once the faire ends just so I can save the money I was soppouse to save from the faire.I want my man here,I need him here,just to tell me that things will be okay.I am so exhausted these days but I cant stop,I cant stop doing whatever it is that I am doing because then that means I will think and that hurts,all I do is cry when I think..Alot of people tell me to watch out for Shane,but I think he is one that will not fuck me over,I really do,he has so much guilt from what he did to Kyle and I dont think that he will fuck me over because he dosent want to do that to Kyle.I dont know,I dont know what to think about anyone any more.I havent been taking care of myself like I useto.We useto eat so good,we would cook out all the time,now I will eat nothing for days,he would be so mad at me for doing that to myself.I think I am going to need some help soon.I need something,I need to be able to just fucking cry my eyes out and not be the happy fucking person people knew,cuz I am not happy,and I am not going to fake it anymore.I cant do it anymore,I cant act like I am the same person,because I will never be the same.I lost my world,I lost my hopes,my dreams,my future,I lost my heart,and my happiness,and to lose all that means that I lost myself and I dont knopw if I have it in me to find myself again. 9:21 a.m. - 2003-08-08 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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