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----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- being invisiable Could you look me in the eyes and tell me your happy now? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Its been a rough couple weeks.I was sick last week,had pink eye this week,and now my period is coming....I think,and o lets see,its just like 2 1/2 weeks early.God!!!Can I be normal...just like for a month?Ty is now 9.I feel so old,I feel like its been a millon years since he was a baby.It sucks but I have loved watching him grow into his own person.Went out drinking the other night with my honey.He got pretty yucky about dickhead and his wife,I dont care though.I would love to see dickhead all beaten up,I wouldnt want Ty to see it,but dickhead deserves it plus more.Im getting more and more cocky at work...and I love it.My boss cant say shit to me without me saying something back to him.Money has been okay,but you can tell that when summer actually hits....it will be dead.I am so done being that person who cant say no,or who sits there for 10 fucking hours cuz they want me too.Maybe I am turning into Miss Bitch at work...I dont really care.I started to think about only working my 2 long days a week when I start school...but I dont think that I will be able to make rent and everything else on what I would make.I dont know..I have a month or two to figure this shit out.I really wish I never fucked up school before.I havent hung out with Mo for a while being sick and all,she is leaving to get her son today so it will be cool when they get back.Ty will have a new friend. Get me the beat boys to free my soul ******************** I weighed myself this morning at Kyles.....it said 128(naked)132 with clothes on.It dosent seem like I wouldve lost that much weight.I mean I was up to like 146 maybe a month ago.I weighed myself about 80 times too.Its cool though.It seems like the more I eat the more I lose.I think its cuz it makes me want to do more situps or something.I will never lose my hips so I gave up on that.They will always be big.I remember the summer before I had Ty,I was 100 pounds even,skinnest point in my life since I was always fat.And then I found out that I was pregnant,and gained 60 pounds...ha ha.I worked so hard at getting skinny.Well kindof,I turned bulumic and everything else,but still,now its so different cuz I look back on that,and I was so so so stupid.I still dont understand why I did that to myself,but I dont care about it anymore either.Its my past,and thats the way it will stay.So anyways,quite happy about the weight thing.I want to ride bikes this summer.Me and Kyle got Ty a nice one for his birthday,so i would like to start doing a bike ride every week or something. they paved paradise and put up a parking lot ++++++++++++++++++++++ I bumped into my sisters x at the bar the other night.She told me that he was coming to see her and that she didnt know how to hide it from her boyfriend.I guess she did it quite well,cuz he told me some stories.Man,what a whore,shes got a beautiful ring on her finger,and her boyfriend is a good guy,and she fucks around on him all the time.If he ever knew he would go on a killing spree.Its embarrassing.Her x was with some friend of his,that was all about"are you anything like your sister"before I could even open my mouth,her x told him that I was nothing like her.Good guy...just needed some ass from her...again. its not having what you want its about wanting what you got ------------------------------ My tounge has been healing alright.It sucks not being able to do those certain things,but I guess I can wait...kindof.The folks are once again pissing me off.Ever since my sister moved to Illionis then to Florida,it has gotten so much more worse.They have only me to belittle.Always telling me,dont do this,you should do this,this is a stupid idea,thats a stupid idea,and people wonder why I am never home,or why I am the way i am with them.They shouldve been telling me that shit when I was growing up.I love em,but I really think if I ever got away from them,I wouldnt miss them.When i lived in my house,they never made an effort to come over to see Ty,I always went out of my way,and now they bitch when I do it for other people like the x in laws,but yet...they were just like them just closer to me.I was told by my father to give him all of my bills and reciepts and he would file them for me,I told him that I have a folder for my crap and I have it put away,but that wasent good enough,it drives him nuts NOT to know my buisness.I was brought up never knowing any of their money situations,to this day,I still dont know what my dad makes,why do they need to know my shit?At 26 years of age...I think its my buisness,I think I can take care of myself,after all I have been working since I was 14 and I have been on my own since 17....I can handel it.They sure drive me nuts.I havent sent Kriss an mail in such a long time.I miss her.I miss sending her shit everyday.I miss talking to her.I wish she would just move back here.I guess Ty is having a small party at Kyles next week,since Kyle promised him fireworks and all....ha ha.I love my guy..he didnt even really remember.He brought up the fact that I lost that braclet again the other night,I searched for again today...no luck.That bothers me,I know that its in my house...its gotta be.I saw a man and a lady the other day holding a sign up that said"hungry family,need food,work or help"I cried.I felt so bad.They looked like nice people,hard working and all.And with all these factorys shutting down and all,its gotta be hard.I would hate to feel the way they might.I mean,here they are while their kids are in school,holding up a sign,something that probaly makes them feel like shit.And what happens if one of the kids friends saw that and made fun out of them?I felt so bad for these people.I wish I could help the whole fucking world half the time,and it pisses me off that I care so much about shit I shouldnt.But I think of it as...what if that was me?I would want someone to help me.I didnt help them though.I stared out of the corner of my eye at them and as soon as the light turned green I sped off,leaving them behind me.I cried though,I dont like seeing that shit.It makes me sad to know that they are sad.Im one of those people that cant go to Chicago without giving something to some homless person.I would give up a week of work to hand out sandwiches to the hommeless.I care to much.Until next time....rock on 4:35 p.m. - 2003-06-01 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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