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----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- blue is the color I am having so much trouble with my child right now,it kindof makes me feel as though I have failed in being a good mom.I have been spending the nights at home that I have him,doing more things with him,and he still keeps getting in trouble at school.Today I picked him u and as usual he was late getting out,he looked all pissed off and so I asked him what was wrong,he old me that he got a blueslip and thought nothing of it.Okay,so by now,he already knows that he is grounded,I go food shopping and he acts like he owns piggly wiggly.Oh,he was having the time of his life just zipping through the asiles with the cart,jumping around,trying to poke holes in the diapers.I yelled at him way to many times,he still didnt care.Not until we got home and I told him to go to his room,no games,no cartoons,no friends,no nothing.People dont understand that I do try,I am not that easy on him,he just dosent listen.I am getting harder and harder on him everyday,and people dont realize that.It is not easy.It totally makes me think of things that I USETO think about.I know that I shouldve left dickhead a long time ago,I know it wouldve changed shit with him,Ty has the same traits as dickhead,the way he argues and all.I know that I cant live my life blaming myself,but shit,it sure does seem like it is all my fault.It was so hard raising Ty on my own,but I am proud that I got this far. Im a tangled puppet but, I sure can survive ************************** Its odd how I was talking about the dirty mexican one day,and today he came into work for a application.He knew who I was,I am sure that he will never forget me.I walked away when I realized it was him,and I went into the bathroom and thought that I was gonna pass out.Its been years since I saw him,but his eyes are the same.They are the most evil eyes I have ever seen...totally black,nothing in them but black.So needless to say,I have had a hard day.I wish like hell I wouldve reported him,I wish I wouldve told someone.I wish I could still tell someone.I wish I could forget it,I wish it never happened.So after he filled out the app,I looked at it,and went to the staff bathroom,and tore in little peieces,and actually flushed it.I hope none of the other mexicans know him.I have totally bloked that shit away,it hardley ever crosses my mind,but today,I remember all of it.Tonight I will be scared to fall asleep,all because of the dirty mexican.The dirty fucking mexican.I fucking hate mexicans.I hate them. All my secrets are locked away Kept in a safe place just for me --------------------------------- Valentines Day is coming up so fast,and I think i know what to get Kyle...I just haveto find it first.Hopefully it wont be to hard..it shouldnt be.Well thats about all for tonight...until next time...rock on 10:38 p.m. - 2003-02-03 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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