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----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- your bloody fantastic So my son got suspended from school.I dont knw what to do with him...I am trying and trying,I am doing my best,I just dont know what else to do.Dickhead acted as though he cared but deep down I knew that he didnt,and when Ty got dripped off yesterday,sure enough...he wasent grounded or anything over there.He needs a GOOD father figure in his life,and sure Kyle is great,but he dosent go out of his way to spend time with Ty,not that he should,but I dont know,as much as I wish Kyle could be that person for Tyler,I dont see it happening unless if I say something to Kyle...and I dont want that.I want him to just do stuff on his own.I dont know. Take me out of this black hole ||||||||||||||||||||||| So since the child got suspended,I went ahead and got trashed.I know its not a good excuse,but I really needed to just get fucked up,just wasted.....and I sure did.I talked with my cousin at the bar,hes some important person here,and hes cool,so I talked to him about Ty,and told him that was why I am at the bar.He said that he would try to help me out.Its never busy in that bar,but it sure was that night.Some british guy kept telling me how great I was...it was funny cuz I didnt ignore him all the time..but most of the time I did....but he kept on talking.He was missing a few teeth to,so I was hoping that I didnt haveto talk to him.There was this guy who was bitching to me about his wife,he told me all this bullshit,and then asked me if I would lick him.I had to laugh,I was cracking up for the longest time telling him what a sick fucker he was...it was quite funny.I ended up smoking a little to much and drinking like my mouth would never be wet again...I was totally wasted .I havent felt like that in a long time,needless to say,my problems were still there..ha ha. give me what you have give me what I need give me what I want and I'll put it deep inside me ************************ So sex is great.Its wonderful and beautiful,and I want it all the time.I love it when I can do things I havent done in a while.He took a picture of me.Thats cool.I remember back in the day,when I had that done,and how I stared at those pictures and knew I was okay looking.I told Kyle that I didnt want to do it.So theres this thing on tv,and heres this beautiful thin woman,and I tell him that,that is the reason,he asks me who thinks thats beautiful...I told him everyone.Its true too,no one wants a woman who has flab,and stretch marks...thats not beautiful.Anyways,he tells me that I am beautiful.I thought about it,and wondered why I turned out this way,I mean,I did this shit before...where did that part of me go?It feels great to be like this again,I am so ready to get my toys out.Its great.I love sex...always have always will,but I have done so much in private,,,never had that person to share it with,so thats cool.I love my man.He might be rude sometimes,but I love him to death. I promise Ill give my life I deciced not to go to work yesterday,whatever.I knew I wouldnt get in trouble.They are so stupid.I lost 7 pounds ...I think.The scale is always different each day.I started to do sit ups,so I think that is working.My back has still been killing me.I cant afford to have time off,so I shouldnt complain.I told my mom that I wouldnt be living here in a year,or maybe in 6 months,she looked surprised.I am sure she will say something to my dad,and then he can bitch at me.I told her staright out that I am sick of living in my own house with the fear that I might get yelled at for something stupid.I shouldnt haveto.I am 26 years old....leave me alone.I am going to start looking again in the next couple weeks.Even if it takes only a couple months...I am moving.I hate this house...I dont even feel like I am at home.Until next time...rock on 4:18p.m. - 2003-02-10 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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