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----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sometimes you haveto hurt Kyle called and apologized to me while I was at work last night,I just told him that "I guess its okay"he said "you guess its okay"?I told him that I was having a very hard time at work cause of it and that I would call him back later.I cried every chance I got last night,it made me feel very stupid.Everyone was like why are you with this guy?I told them that he has never hurt me like that before,and that he is a nice guy,I got told that he was nice enought to make me upset like that.I guess Kyle didnt even know what happened.I belive him,but I dont think he really understands that he HURT me,that I never wanted to feel being treated like that again,that I never wanted people to feel bad for me.And thats what happened that night.Here I am telling all my new found friends that he is a wonderful guy,that I love him to death,that he is not "mean"and then I bring him in there and he acts so shitty to me,I saw my "new" friends give me that look,that look I got for all those fucking years.Like I am stupid and pitiful for being with someone like that.Thats what made me lose it that night.And I know he apologized to me and maybe he didnt realize how bad it was for me,but it happened,and I cant do that again.In a way,I want to tell myself that it wont happen again like that,but didnt I say that tons of times before in my life?Am I putting myself back into something?I love this guy to death,I would do just about anything for him,if he got locked away for years,I would wait for him......I love him with my whole fucking heart,but I want him to know that I cant have that kindof hurt again,and can he promise me never to do that again?I havent gotten that upset in years and I cant do it again,but I love him,I want him in my life forever.I went over to his house last night,and I wanted to tell him how I felt but,I dont want to cry..I dont want to fucking cry,I wont want to stop.I called Connie to apologize to her for calling her,but that I really needed someone to talk to.I think I will be fine in a couple days,Ty is with me,so he takes my mind off of it at lease.I am going to haveto take Kyle to that place another time,I cant afford it right now,and I am just getting back on my fet again,and cant be spending that kind of money yet.That kindof sucks,but what can I do?So now I dont know what to do for him for Valentines Day,I guess I just wanted to give him something he deserves,and to say how much I love him.I figured out my school scheadule,I am actually excitied about it this time,maybe cause I figured it out on my own.Anyways,I gotta watch a movie with Ty...til next time...rock on 7:50p.m. - 2003-01-26 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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