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----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- the sky is falling So all is going downhill I think.Kyle and his friend went out last night,I thought that in a way I would let him go out and have a good time with his friend,so I went out with Amanda.She didnt stay out for long,so I just thought I would go to the bar for a while..whatever,nothing big.I called Kyle an from the start all he said to me was fuck you,fuck this,fuck my ways.Can I just get off the subject for a minute and tell you that I cant handel this right now.My period has come and its awful.I bled right through my jeans last night about 15 minutes after I changed my tampon...its not good.All this shit just makes it worse.Anyways,Kyle said that Rob was in town.What is that about?He said that he has friends that know things,that I was with Rob last night.He got kicked out of the bar because he was such an asshole.He treated me like pure shit last night,and I thought that I forgot how that felt but not anymore.I dont know what to say to him.I told him it wasent true,I told him that he was soppouse to come into town but why the hell would I want to see him?I gave him back his house key,took my shit and went home.He called me this morning asking me if that was my key in his door I said yes he said what great timing it was for me,I asked him what he meant,and there was a click and that was it.I dont know what the fuck I did this time,but I was so upset last night.I called the one and only person I could call at like 3 in the morning,and all I did was cry,I tried not to cry,but I couldnt hold it back.I told Connie about the whole period deal,how I cant have stress right now,I told her to please ask John if he said anything to Kyle,I just totally lost it over the phone.I couldnt hold back the tears.I dont know what to think right now.I dont understand why he treated me like shit.Am I that fucking bad of a person?Why the hell would I even want to hang out with Rob if he was coming into town?HE IS MY X FOR A REASON!!!!!I cant belive the way Kyle made me feel last night.I never thought he would make me feel like that,and he did,and I feel so dumb,like I was led on.I tell people what a wonderful guy he is,and then look what happens.I even had a message on my machine from him saying that if I made it home...fuck you.I dont understand this shit.I thought all was well.I wanted to take him to that hotel for Valentines Day,now why would I want to do that if I was cheating on him?I dont ask Kyle for anything.I dont get all mad if he goes out,I dont tell him to buy me things,I dont expect him to buy me things,I dont expect him to pay for me..what the fuck?I dont know what the hell is going on,I dont know if I need tio get the rest of my shit and Tylers out of his house,I dont know what I am going to tell Ty.I dont know anything right now.All I know is that the way he treated me last night was awful,it brought back alot of shit I buried away,and I dont know if I can let myself be treated that way again.He hurt me bad last night.The kind of hurt that just follows you wherever you go.The kind of hurt that you think about all day long and all night long.I dont think I deserved any of that last night.And I dont think that I should apologize for anything,cuz I know that I didnt do anything.I work today,which should be intresting.I dont know if I will end up crying or not.Hopefully not.As much as I dont want to go in today,I will cuz it will keep my mind busy.I dont want to think about this anymore.I cant belive that he thought I was with Rob,why would I ever do that,when I thought I had a great guy?Isnt the world a wonderful place?Until next time...Rock on. 12:13p.m. - 2003-01-25 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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