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----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A little bit of tunes do you really love me underneath it all? So tonight is computer night I guess.Kyle is sleeping at his house and I am at mine....all alone...I hate it.I hate trying to fall asleep knowing that he is not near me.I hate knowing that he is there and I am here,I just hate being without him.He is starting to say he loves me more...it was probaly my mood thats all.Its soppouse to be period week,but so far it hasent come.What the fuck is that all about?I bleed and bleed when I am not soppouse to and then I dont bleed when I am soppouse to.Ty is going with my parents.Sometimes I think he does have a very hard time going to school and just being a kid I guess.He was tired today,I guess he was awake at 2 in the morning asking me if he could go on the couch,I dont remember.Yesterday Kyle and I went out to eat with his grandparents.I was stuck talking to his grandma,they are nice people though,I enjoy going there.I like meeting his family.I got along fine with Robs family,all except his one sister,but even with her I was cool.Dans parents....yeah right whatever,his dads side was okay,but then again,it wasent his real dad either.But I really enjoy Kyles family..so far.I really like his mom,and I even like all of his friends. Am Do you want me? I I Do you need me? feel standing Do you love me? Broken still? now Connie started another job,thats cool.It wont be as hard as I thought for her.She is all about getting on with her life,and that is great.I am very happy for her.John is an asshole,but she is a bitch as well.They just cant be together anymore,I am sure that they love each other still,but it gets a point where you just haveto say fuck it.Enough of this ,enough of that,you can only be unhappy for so long.So I found some weed in my mailbox a couple days ago,that was cool.It was from the mexicans.Ha ha.God,they are cool people but shit they scared the shit out of me each time I went out with them.It was a funny scare though.Its like you are just ready for the FBI to be coming.I was thinking on going to Chicago for a weekend.But after I though about it,ummm....no.I would just want to party and I dont party like that anymore.I dont miss it at all.I saw in the paper that one of my old friends got married,she looks happy.It sounded like they had a nice weeding,and they are going to the virgin islands for their honeymoon.Thats cool.I dont want a lavish wedding at all.All I want is a wedding dress,thats all I care about.I want to be able to have the nicest dress ever,and just feel like a queen in it.I think if I ever got married I would feel like a queen anyways.To know that you will be with that person for the rest of your life,and that they feel the same way.I dont belive in any of this I just want to get married shit.I think 2 people haveto be in love and be totally honest with their partner and themselves of making that commintment.I am not a church person at all,but I do belive in the value of marriage.I am so flippy about marriage thats its pathetic.I just so totally belive that you marry someone for life,of course there will be problems,but you can always work it out.Thats why marriage nowadays suck.People get married,and go cheat or whatever.Its so wrong.Anyways,I smoked a whole bowl and didnt even get high,that sucks. This is a beautiful life. I really miss Kyle tonight.I love spending the nights with him.Hes so funny,he had to get me a thank you card for sweetest day,cuz all the other ones were gone.I wasent even mad,maybe I shouldve been(?)but I wasent,I thought it was cute.I hate missing him,and it dosent help to sleep without him cuz then all I think about his him and how I wish he could be with me,and I never fall asleep cuz I guess I kindof get sad.Sometimes,I get sad knowing that I love him this much.I dont know what I would do without him,he is the love of my life and I love knowing that.I will haveto find me a book to read tonight,and stay up til all hours.DAMN IT...I miss him already.Its different during the day cuz I know that we cant be together cuz of work,but shit the nights are awful...I hate them. Its not easy to be me Well I am now getting cramps,probably due to stress,due to missing Kyle,I am never good with being upset,usually I get sick,tonight it will be cramps.Great.Until next time....Rock on
8:09 p.m. - 2002-10-21 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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