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----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- killer clown I am turning more positive.I stopped smoking on Monday,got drunk on Wedensday and smoked a whole pack and havent smoked since.Im doing good at the gym,and I am learning...I think how to look at life from a different angle.More positive people in my life,I need that,I need to keep myself busy with healthy things.Once again Tony and I had a falling out,its getting to old to care now,nothing will be fixed ever and I guess thats the way it just is.Tyler told me that Dan and Mary were going to get a divorce,I guess over the weekend they have decided to work things out one last time.I feel bad for the both of them cause I know it hurts.Sometimes you just stop loving someone.I think that is what happened to me and Dan..all the shit we went thru made me look at him in disgust and anger and that just turned into hate.I am pretty neutral these days.But I have been pilled up.Im starting to like it actually and I think I need it a bit more then my zoloft.I never could understand what bi polar is and there were times I thought it was me,I still dont understand it,I read on it quite often..but something is wrong with me...I cant be positive with life changing events one day and self destruct the next can I?I havent seen Wendy for a while because it sickens me and saddens me.She will be gone within the year and thats one less friend I have.Selfish I know.Im tired of missing things.Im tired of having to miss things.When you miss things there is this feeling you get all on your inside...its a scared feeling..an empty feeling..and a feeling that makes me want to punch people in their fucking faces.How postive is that? 7:02 a.m. - 2012-05-06 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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