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----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- oh.........fucking shit I starting my smoking pills and as of tomorrow ..I can not smoke.And its pissing me off.Then again,alot of things are pissing me off.The dyke just called...for the 4th time tonight.No one is home but me so of course no one will know.Last night we went and saw a play at that Hannah was in and I was a bit hmmm...stunned?By the way Tom sat on his moms lap.He is going into 6th grade.That is kindof....weird?Isnt it?The dyke and her "friend"helped his brother move...I have no respect for neither of those people and kindof wish that they both would kindof die.Tony has been great to me,and here I sit with all these thoughts in my head.We looked at houses the other day and I thought about how nice it would be to have a family and have that "feeling"of a family.And today I walk in the house and theres shoes in the doorway,barbies everywhere and it makes me feel like I have changed my life to much.I registered for school and am set about that....this time.I am going to start spending more time for myself.Go back to normal somewhat.Start working out LIKE I DID.And start working LIKE I DID.And start having some fucking money LIKE I DID.I am tired of being fucking broke...all...the....time.Tired of listening to the kids and tired of just being fucking tired.I am so annoyed these days and that is even pissing me off.I am happy with Tony and all that is around me,but I do feel as though my life isnt mine anymore,sure...it isnt my life because its our life but..I dont even feel like we have a life.What happened to me?he one that had fun all the time?The one who worked for what she wanted?The one that took time out to left herself be ...free?What happened?And why cant I have that back and keep what I have?I need that back.I need to get better.I need some fucking weed. 8:47 p.m. - 2009-07-29 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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