|
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- bravery im printing pictures up tonight.From the camera.I keep looking back and forth at them and laughing...smiling.Wishing I could go back to that certain time...that day.How much fun it was and how less of a burden it was on myself.I got on my medication today.Seems as though I need the counseling to.Im sure I do.I feel more sad then ever right now even on the pills.Yet here I sit....doing something that should have been done when the camera was getting filled up.It takes 4 hours to print all my pictures.I am not in bed yet...so thats a good thing.I think.Sometimes I could just lay in bed forever,I am a zombie when I can be.At home...right now....zombie.When I dont haveto be around people I am a freaking zombie,and its not because of the pills...that is what the pills are here for.The pills are here to save me.To save me from whatever is happening to me.I told the doctor that I am scared.Scared of myself sometimes...and that my head feels as though it is going to explode sometimes,and other times...its just so "messy".Sometimes I even think being in a state hospital would do some good for me.That way I could go nuts and it would be okay.Kyle wasent easy for me.That boy did no good to me after he left.He drove me to a place I thought I would never go.I was not me....and whatever was becoming me?Had to stop.I got help.I got on those damn pills...and I was a bit better.My mind wasent exploding all over in little pieces everywhere i went.Thats what it was doing.It left a trail of better times,so i could forget.Yet I went crazy trying not to forget and crazy forgetting.No more happy memories.I wish it would all just go away still.The hardest part? being okay and not being okay.thats the hardest part. 8:52 p.m. - 2007-11-19 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||