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----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- My one friend? Isnt it funny how sometimes you notice that the stars arent that bright?And the grasss really isnt greener on the other side?Who came up with all that crap anyways? I talked to Josh last night,I actually talked to him for quite some time.I think he is going to stay in California for the simple fact that he told me he knew who is "spring"captain would be,that sucks.But then again,I am happy for him,he is doing something he likes,and enjoys.And he really dosent have anything for him here anymore.I cant freak out on him for not coming back,I cant be like"but what about me?"Because it is not about me,about hanging out with him,about staying close to the person Kyle was most close to besides me,its about him,and I cant be selfish.I cant stick that to him and make him think that I may never be okay ever again.He has his own life,his own dreams,his own way of healing,and even though I think it really sucks that Im sort of close to him,and he is so far away,like I said,its not about me,its about him and HIS happiness.Happiness is one of those words that I feel once in a while,but not all the time anymore. And I cant relay on people to make me happy.And maybe I would be a bit happier if I had a friend like him to hang out with,to call when Im bored,to freak out when I want to freak out,to have him around when I need someone to talk to,but even then,it wouldnt make me all that much more happier.My happiness died when Kyle left,and no one can replace that,and even if they could...I could never it happen.I dont want to replace him,and I shouldnt haveto.I get a great sense of pure relaxtion when i write him a letter,I seem to have been letting him into my world a little more and more each time,and Im okay with that.I have no where else to go with it,and its getting to hard for me to keep it locked up within me.So he told me last night that he is bored and that i should write to him if im bored.I wanted to tell him that he just made a mistake of doing that,but I wouldve written him anyways.So today,I am off to write him yet another letter ,even if its about nothing,I have nothing to do while Ty is at school,so why not hang out at Barnes and Noble once again to write him his letter?He says that he goes to Barnes and Noble at least once a week and hegoes next door as well to some store that is like a circut city,we both saw the movie elf,and we had another thing that we both did this week...how weird is that?I think we are the same in alot of ways,which is cool cuz we get along,and I think its cool that Im not the only one who sits at a bookstore and writes or whatever,even though I know Im not...hes the only person that I actually know that does it.I have ideas in my head.Ideas of saving money,getting a new computer,buying a different car,and then getting the hell out of here.I might as well accept the fact that I haveto live here for some time yet,and I just thought about it,I have no friends really,No one to come over and party at my house,have cook outs and whatever,so why bother wanting to get out of this place A.S.A.P when thats what was important to me?Why bother when I have no one? 6:52 a.m. - 2003-11-10 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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