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----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- happy birthday hon **Please understand the things **I haveto say** Tonight is the night where I sit and I look at his picture all night long,tonight is the night where the tears haveto come out.Today,tonight he wouldve been 27 years old. Kyle, Happy birthday baby.I hope your enjoying your drinks up there,I as well am having some for you tonight.I know if we were together,I wouldnt have worked,I wouldve been by you all night drinking with you.Drinking those barcardi and cokes that I never drank unless if I didnt have beer.Watching you walk back to the kitchen,filling up that brandy snifer..watching you laugh,watching you sit at your computer.I wouldve been doing all those things tonight with you babe,but instead I can only remember.Instead I can only sit and listen to what my head is saying to me and closing my eyes to picture those times.I wouldve probably bought you something for your computer,and you wouldve told me that I spent to much and that you feel bad.And I wouldve smiled and told you that you were worth it.That it wasent nothing. Even though in the back of my head,I would know that I did spend to much,that I couldnt afford it,but that you deserved it.Instead I am sitting here wishing I could do all those things.I wish alot hon, I wish that you were still here,I wish that I wouldve told you everything I wanted,I wish that you never left.And sometimes hon,I wish that I never met you.I wish that I never met you because then I wouldnt have fallen so much in love with you,that I wouldnt be hurting right now,that I wouldnt haveto hurt.Yeah,I think its pretty selfish in a way.I also think that its not a real wish.I was so happy to have met you,I was so happy to be with you.I was so happy to spend time with you and I was so happy knowing that you were "IT".That you were my future.So I usually wish that I didnt wish that.I love you,always did,always will and I hope that you still know that.I hope that you can still feel that.I know,I know I fucked up alot since you left,belive me hon,I know this.And it kills me.None of it wouldve happened if you were here with me.re.I miss you so much babe.I miss everything about you,words can no longer describe how much I miss you and love you.I have either run out,or there just is not a word that can actually say what I feel for you.I sometimes wonder if you look down at me and shake your head,being disappointed,or if you understand,and I think you do.You loved me,you understood me.We were going to be together forever.We felt that,and we knew.I find myself comparing all these people to you,I find myself thinking that I could never be with someone like you,as good as you.I think about what we had,what we shared and I know that it can never be replaced.I could never feel anything for anyone as strong as I do with you.I get scared sometimes.Scared that I will lose my memories,scared that I will lose my visions.And when I look at your picture,I know that I could never lose my memories of you.Sometimes I look at it and I wonder why you picked me,you were so cute,so mature,and so fun.You were everything I have ever wanted.I remember so much of you,like you are still here.And I cant belive that you are gone.I cant belive that you are not here anymore.I cant belive that you are not here babe,I just cant belive it.I think about you all the time.Sometimes I just smile,other times,I haveto let the tears fall.And sometimes I talk about you as if you are still here.I know you will always have my heart,you died with it.And I know that you will never let go.I promise that I will never let go of yours hon.Happy birthday,I hope you can sleep in tomorrow,and I hope you sleep well,I know I would if you were here,and I know you would too.So tonight,pretend I am with you,close your eyes and pretend that I am beside you,with my legs wrapped around you,and pretend as if you can feel me beside you,and pretend that you hear me breathe,and I will do the same,and then we will be together.I love you babe. *~*Living dead girl*~* *~*It wasent my deisre*~* 11:05 p.m. - 2003-11-03 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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