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----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Do you see me? ** Dont ya fade away til the morning light** Came home from work tonight,and it is so beautiful out that I had to be outside tonight,so I took the dogs for a walk.And I went "house looking".Every house that had a light on,I would look,and try to see around the blinds,some of them didnt even have there blinds closed.I just wanted to loo to see how normal people live.People with families,people with a good job,people with money,people who have a house,people who can be at"home, people who have a home to be at.Real normal people.I was like that once.Kyle always left his blinds open at night and shut during the day.Maybe he thought that more people would try to look during the day,I told him once that people do look at night,they look more at night because I did it...all the time.So I always opened his blinds each morning.It looked the best when his end table was all clean and I bought flowers to put on it...ony cuz it looked so nice with the sun shining on it.And he would always come home,and he would lay all this shit everywhere on his nice clean table and he would shut his blinds and tel me how he didnt like them open.And I would just smile at him and tell him how nice the sun looked on his fresh flowers...and he would look at the flowers,smile and say thank you,that his house looks really nice and that I didnt haveto do that,and now look..he comes home and lays all his shit around.I would laugh and say it was okay because he knows that it will be clean again tomorrow because thats what i do,and I liked to do it for him.Our conversations always was like that when he came home from work and I had the day off.I would buy all this food,clean his house,wash dishes even though he had his dishwasher and sometimes I would even put away his clothes.And he never expected that.I think he never expected that because I REALLY didnt live there.I just kindof was there everyday,everynight.He knew I as well had my own place,and that I shouldnt have been buying stuff for his house,because I didnt have that type of money.I think about how we were going to move in August.How we were actually going to LIVE together,and be a family.How we were going to be normal people,how we would have a real home.And so here I was tonight looking in peoples houses,realizing that I had that with him,and I was going to have more.I was gonna have that house,with my family,being a normal person.I was going to have all that,I was going to have that person,who walked their dogs,on a beautiful night,looking in peoples houses,wishing they had what I had.I was going to be that person.And tonight I realized,I will never be that person.My job will never cut it,I will never have what I once was going to have Hello? Are ya here? Im here,I have not left yet Oh but you have No,I havent,Im stil here,cant you see me? AH,but you are not here, you have faded away,into your own world,your own imagination,non existance to your own kind,you are not here You are where you place yourself to be,you are not here anymore Does anyone care???? 10:36 p.m. - 2003-10-30 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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