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----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- nothing at all Somebody PLEASE save me From this nothing I have become I am a whole different person right now.I have turned into this thing....and I have no clue where it came from or why it has happened and I hate it more then anything.It is not me,but then again,who am I?I dont think that I am the person that I have become...I know I am not.I am so disappointed in myself because I wouldnt be like this if my honey was here.I wouldnt be this shadow of a person,this empty soul ,this....nothing. I would not have turned into this,whatever this may be.I hate it.I hate what I am doing and for some reason it just dosent matter to me.Everything I do is "fuck it",everything I say is"who cares".I have never been like this in my whole life,and I dont want to be like this anymore.But I can not change,and I dont know if it is because I dont want to or if it is because I cant.I sit and think about all these things that I have been doing and I know Kyle wouldnt like it,Kyle wouldve never let any of this happen.If Kyle was here...none of it wouldve happened.There is no reason why I have been drinking more and just not caring,I should care more now about things then I ever did before.It upsets me.I feel like I have no reason to care about anything.My man is gone,he is not coming back.So what do I have?I have my son..yes I know that but when I dont have him...thats when it gets bad.I do nothing but sit at a bar and work.I useto go out every Wedensday,and Kyle knew that.He knew where I went,he knew that I would walk into his house a bar closing time and he never cared,now even after bar closing time...I want to still drink.I dont want to go home to that empty bed,to that place where I HAVETO call home.I am depressed,I am wanting my anti-deppressant back into my system because I am going downhill....and I know this,but yet I dont try to stop it at all because I have nothing.I had a good relationship,a good future,a wonderful guy and a beautiful family,and it is all gone,and because it is all gone,I have gone away as well.The person that I once was has left my soul and another one has moved in,but that one is not fitting right.It dosent belong,and this is why I have become .....nothing 9:55am - 08-26-03 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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