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**************************** Dont mistake the scratches on your back for nastiness I do it cause,I want to climb deeper inside you **************************** Soppouse to go out to visit the x-inlaws today,deciced not to.I shouldve too since June is getting bad,but you know,I really didnt want that resposablitly.I remember how glad I was that it wasent mine resposability anymore until I found out that Ty hadent seen them for over 6 months,then I knew that I would always have that responsability.Kindof like dickheads mom,she'll call me up telling me that she never sees Ty and can she have him overnight,and its always on MY time.I never give him to her,but still...thats not the point.Anyways,I haveto go out there on Friday.We haveto go and do some "legal"stuff,since 75% will be going to Ty,she wants to do it before its to late...kindof scary,but smart.I just so didnt feel like going today.I have been so tired lately,and I just feel like taking a nice hot bath(my back has been killing me)putting on my pajamas,and watching a movie.I love it when Ty has off from school cause then I dont haveto worry about homework,or anything,and he can play for hours as long as he does the "check in"time.I dread the period right now,I know its coming since I have been feeling so Blah,I so dread it.I wish I was still immune to it,but I deal with it.At lease I am not like most girls who haveto complain of mega cramps and staying in bed all day.I remember when Kriss first got hers,she walked so slow cuz she thought it would fall out,and when I got mine...I cried,I wanted it to go away.I never wanted to get it,but yet when I never got it,I always carried around a tampon...cuz that was cool.Figure that one out.I wasent told about any of that stuff.All I can recall is my mom telling me that she was in school when she saw a pile of blood under her.What the fuck is that?No wonder why i never wanted to get it.I haveto type this thing up for my dad today,although I dont want to...I haveto.I think I will always be under my parents wrath,although i am getting better,kindof like one of those"i pay my rent Ill do what the hell I want"kindof ways.When it comes to money...im not like that,only cause of my dad losing his job,I dont want to make him worry anymore then what he already does.Hes gonna end up giving himself a heart attack. I am going away going away =================== My ticket to Florida will cost me $142.I get to buy it next week,how exciting.I cant wait to get out of here for a while.I wish I could travel more.Mo and I have deciced to get peirced on May 17th since she will have money by then.She said that her tounge didnt hurt,but then again half the people I talked to said the same,the others said it hurt,I dont know,Ill probaly chicken out,like usual.Last night Kyle brought up the whole"when we get our house"thing,he was quite high so he probaly dosent even remember,but it was still the whole"OUR" thing that was there.Little things will ALWAYS matter.I dont care how little they are...they will always matter.Alot of people dont realize that.They think if they dont have the biggest and better of things that they arent loved or arent good enough,why be like that?Why should it matter?If I lived in a shack with 12 kids and a hard working husband....that is what matters.He is hard working,he is working to provide for your family,he is doing what he can,it shouldnt matter if you have a small diamond,a big diamond,or a diamond at all,what matters is that he is there,and he loves you and cares,material things arent everything.ITS THE LITTLE THINGS!!!Mo understands this toally.I love talking to her,shes like on the same level as i am.She pawned her engagment ring for dumb ass Bens tooth.After all he has done to her and is still doing to her,she did that for him.I feel bad for her,she loves him so much,but yet cant do it anymore.She knows he is still sleeping with Missie,she knows everything but yet,she talks to him about it and tries to understand him,all the while,he is filling her head up with bullshit.I see what goes on at work,I see both sides,but yet I refuse to get involved.I wont,and cant.She is my friend,but I told her I would never get involved cause I consider her my friend,and sometimes thats what a friend hasto be.And lets me tell you,it sucks in a way,cuz half the time,I want to kill Ben,and then scream at Mo for being dumb,but you know...its not my problem,its not my life.She asked me today about Kyle and I thanked her for hanging out with me the other night,and letting me get all emotional at any point.I guess we are gonna hang out on Thursday together.We want to hang out at lease once a week,just so we can do whatever,go to the bar,go for coffee,whatever.We just like to talk,about nothing.She has no friends and neither do i so it works out.She told me that if she wouldve called me when she wanted to overdose,that I wouldve said"well before you do it,lets just go for a beer"and you know,I probaly wouldve...but then got serious.I took Ty to toys-r-us today,he bought those stpid yugio cards.I bought a poster and stickers,actually 2 packs of stickers,tinkerbell...I haveto get 2.I think it will be cute to put one on a note or something for Kyle,I dont know why i think that...I just do.So I am going Gateway on Friday to pick all my shit up.Only a year and I can get a different job.A good job.I will miss waitressing,thats the bad part.Cash everyday.I am going to miss Kyle tonight.I am planning to sleep at home,so I wont see him today,sucks too,cuz I would like to get laid.I would rather not play with the toys,hes much better.Speaking of sex,the whole anal thing(see anal sex and beer in July)hmmm,well its okay but not the best,unless if it gets better with pratice,I still dont mind it though.Alot better then July 4th I will tell ya that.But we were fucked up so I guess its okay.Anyways..until next time....rock on
3:52 p.m. - 2003-04-22 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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