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----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- getting better Hung out with Mo for the whole day and night yesterday.I had such a fun time with her.We never really got to hang out before,so it was a blast.Kyle had made a nice dinner,I wasent there for it,I was to busy geting fucked up.I felt bad,but how was I to know?I did feel pretty bad about it.I have deciced that I just dont care right at the moment.I dont give a shit what people say or what they think of me,for all I care..they can kiss my ass.Im not really in a foul mood,I am just tired of being fucked with I guess.I am so sick of bullshit people.I am sick of the games they like to play.Im not about the game shit.If someone dosent like me for who I am...fuck em.I needed to get laid last night,ended up taking care of myself,that sucked,but o well.I didnt need it afterwards,so its cool.I talked alot to Mo about how I have been feeling,I totally let her know that I hurt,that I look at these stupid inspirtional quotes everyday just to make it easier...they seem to help.They make sense to me at lease...I think thats means it helps.I have the additude somewhat of"you live you learn"It happened,nothing I can do about it,but I learned that if it happens again,I wont do it again,I guess you can only break that certain thing once and after its been repaired,thats it,only once.I love him a great deal,but I also love myself.I think if we are meant to be,it wont happen again,and that I guess we can see through this.And I do have a good feeling about it..thats a plus.I still would like to know what wouldve happened if she did go in his house with him.He didnt prove anything to me by doing that,because you know...I can do the same,but I wouldnt do that to him.I wouldnt want him to go through what i am going through.I know he feels bad,hes just got a weird way of showing it I guess.I try not to think about it,I have been just really doing whatever to keep my mind off it.Who knows,maybe I will forget about it sooner then what i think.Maybe I am just drained,I dont know.I am going to start working a bit more for some extra money for Flordia,which I figured out that I want to go with Kyle.I would like to spend that kind of time with him,and have some fun.If something bad happens,well,then it just does.Life goes on.I ate a small salad at work today,half of it came up.I wasent even hungry,I just knew I had to try to eat something.Maybe later after I get off from work for the second time today,I can eat something,maybe I just need a little more time.Maybe I am hungry,now that I am talking about it,I could go for some REAL FOOD.I missed a good dinner last night,god,I feel really bad about that.I wish I wouldve known,it was nice of him. 2:20 p.m. - 2003-04-10 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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