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----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- worries So I got my computer back...but no internet.That sucks. This is not enough ==================== I have been feeling like theres this thing between Kyle and I.I cant explain the feeling,but its not a good feeling,every time I think about us,theres this huge hollow feeling in me.Does that make sense?One night he snapped at me,another night he complained about me.I dont know why I keep thinking about these things either.He dosent call me that much anymore.I think he is sick of me.He never comes over anymore.This is making me so sad.I dont know how to think about this.Its like there could be a good side and a bad side of this situation.One way to look at is....he feels how I feel right now,and everything is just getting weird,or he feels like theres more out there then just me.I dont want to be hurt.DAMN IT!!!He dosent even say that he loves me anymore.This is bothering me,I just want to know.IS THERE A PROBLEM OR NOT??I have not been sleeping cuz of this,I havent been eating.According to the scale,I have lost about12 pounds,not that I think its right,but still.I get scared when this stuff happens.I love him so much and I want to spend my life with him,and I dont want to get rejected.I always do something wrong. and Im all mixed up --------------------- I think sex might be the issue.He has said some comments.I know that I get boring,I know this.Its only because I need to be sure that he WANTS me.My self image is a huge problem.I hate my body...totally.I wish my boobs were bigger,therefore,I hate showing them,I will but,I am uncomfortable.I cant help it,I have never known a guy that likes small tits.....never.I dont think theres a such thing.Every guy wants a beautiful body with beautiful tits.I hate the way I look naked.I have no problem being naked alone,but never by a mirror.I love sex.....I only masturbate at lease 2 times a day,I mean I need sex.But I dont think he wants me like he would someone else...understand?I would love to be so open about everything,but I dont want to be compared.I hope this is making sense,I dont know how to explain it.I just really need to know that he loves me,that it dosent matter what I look like.Sometimes I think that if I were a slut,I would get over it.Just have a whole bunch of one night stands...fuck it.No commitment,no nothing.I dont want to be like that,but I think it would be easier.I think about sex often enough.I think I am getting to some sort of point where I just dont give a fuck anymore.I am so sick of using a stupid vibrator.Its just not the same.Now if he was there....thats another story.I need to get laid....ha ha.I get mad if I cant have it...its funny,cuz like right now,I am just like,man,who cares what the hell I look like,I just really need to get fucked.Just the word gets me needing it more. Push it real good ****************** So here I am ,I think about sex to much,and I have a problem with it.Thats gonna change for me,I cant stand this crap anymore,so from now on,I wont think about what I might look like...Ill keep my eyes closed or something.I hate problems. Until next time....Rock on
5:37 p.m. - 2003-02-28 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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