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----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Im stoned Okay so another day.First day of school for me and I still had no clue what the hell my teacher was talking about.I even thought about skipping cuz back in the day,thats what all the "burnouts"did....you skipped the first day of school.What the hell is wrong with me???HA HA HA.I really need to grow up.I am so stoned right now,and I hate it when you get so high that you start thinking things that actually make you think,it leads to to much thinking!!!!I had this little fight this morning with Rob about Rocky,he says that he will not ALLOW me to talk to Rocky at all!!I just looked at him,like "what the fuck did you just say"?I was such a bitch,I started telling him how I dont haveto be ALLOWED to do anything,I am my own fucking person,and I am not some child getting punished.He starts telling me how bad I hurt him and this is worse then what he did to me with his porn shit,and again I look at him and start going off and I told him how nothing is worse--there are no levels in pain cuz they all fucking hurt and hurt is hurt.And he still didnt understand me,you know---what the fuck?Everything was fine up until he fucking lied to me.And then just as I was ready to push it aside,I found out he was a fucking porn freak which just really fucked me up.I so totally belived that he wouldnt hurt me ever.Once again I fell for it.Why cant anyone just understand me for once?God,I spent 8 years being in love with someone who just made my heart die slowly,and I couldve been happy,I know I couldve,but no ..here comes Rob and just totally makes me realize that I shouldnt be treated like a punching bag,I am so stupid,I really fucking am.Anyways,so I told Rocky what Rob said to me and Rocky told me that he is going to confront him.Its not like I am afraid for Rocky but ever since Rob found out about Rocky and I,I have noticed how psyco he gets.I mean ,he really flips out .And then he tells me that he is soppouse to be on medicine because of his temper---Whoa---back up---WHAT!!!!I never knew that--oh no I can not do this again!I wonder what other shit he never told me.And come to think of it..I really didnt know him at that well before he moved in.I shouldve never got myself into this jam.Rocky kindof ticked me off the other day cuz of how he is with his ex.She is such a bitch to him and he kisses her ass totally,but yet,he dosent love her anymore in that way---whatever Rocky!!!Ha ha,You can tell that he is still in love with her,and he should just tell me the truth.I dont know,Rocky has been my laughs and smiles for so long that I wish he would just feel more comfy with me to be able to tell me!!I thought that we were better friends then that!!Anyways,he will always be my friend regardless of what happens.Damn...no sleep again tonight.I should really stop writing since I have gone on and on and on long enough!Yeah,I am going to go and since I am losing my high,I gotta get some smoke from ****'s house,so until NEXT TIME 10:15 p.m. - 2002-01-22 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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