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----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- HIGH What can I say??.My pants are getting tight on me and I never fucking eat!!!!I hope like hell it just SEEMS like I am getting fatter.I havent talked to Rocky very much lately.I think I am starting to realize how he is.I mean,dont get me wrong,he is a great guy,but all he ever does is get fucked up.I mean,he is homeless now,and he still buys drugs.What the hell is that?You know,he has a fucking kid to think about,and he has no home,no money,and he is just plain stupid!!God,I am so mad at him right now.I have helped him so much and this is what he does to say thank you?In some ways,he reminds me of Dan,just how he is.But at lease Dan grew up a little!!Dan still dosent know about Tyler going to Arizonia.I just cant tell him that he is going with his step-mom,but yet I dont want to lie to him,so there for...I will not worry about it until he asks!!!I dont want to be a bitch about it,but I just dont want him saying that Tyler cant go with her.He dropped Tyler off late yesterday,Rob was starting to get mad about it saying that I should tell Dan that "if he keeps it up,he cant get Tyler"WHATEVER!!!!!!I was just sitting there like WHAT???I mean,Dans my sons dad and always will be regardless of how he is,he is welcomed to hang out with Tyler whenever---I will not deny him his child!!Plus at 7 years old Tyler would kick Robs ass,hes a tough kid!Rob cant even talk cuz he sure dosent try to even see his daughter.You know,Dan and I might not of been made for each other,but I will give him credit...he sure grew up alot this past year.he cares about Tyler as much as I do finally,and I really think that he has realized how I felt when we were together.Damn,I wish he didnt get Mary preget.I bet you any money we would be together and things WOULD be different this time,I shouldve just gave him ONE more chance.Its funny cuz when he told me for the last time that he would change,I can honestly say that I did belive him.That was the only time in our 8 years together that I did belive him.I know that things would be just fine with us if I wouldve gave him that chance to prove it to me.We probably would be married by now--ha ha.I try to talk to Tyler about what goes on between Mary and Dan,I know its wrong,but I dont force him!!He really dosent say to much.He said that Dan gave Mary a ring,that makes me angry,and it hurts so much.We were engaged for 7 fucking years,and now hes with her and after a year,they are actually going to get married?FUCK,FUCK,FUCK!!I guess all this proves that I was put on this earth just to be hurt!Anyways,off that subject.I need to get re-high.Okay thats better.So I am really hoping that I can go out by Kriss in the next 6 months.That girl is my greatest friend ever.I love her to death!I am hoping to be able to give my dad the whole 4 grand I owe him out of taxes,that way,I have Dans taxes and my school check to go visit her with.It makes me so sad to know that she is so depressed half the time.I feel the same way half the time,and I know that if we could hang out,neither of us would be that depressed anymore!!I gotta go,UNTIL NEXT TIME 9:58 p.m. - 2002-01-28 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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