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----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Where the pixies are *swollow the heavens and spit out the seeds* Hes crying for me tonight.I opened all of my windows and even went outside.And those tears felt good.They felt good on my bare shoulders.I couldve stayed out there all night,til I fell asleep with those tears.I would lay down on the wet grass and look up,close my eyes and enjoy those tears.I have been missing alot lately.Alot of things,some old some new.I dont know about the "friend".I dont know,he gets angry alot,sometimes even calls me names,he makes me feel like shit sometimes.While other times,I cant stand to be without him.I could hold him what seems like forever.And I cant do it when he is mean,when he loses respect,I dont want to leave him...I just dont want to give up,and most likely i will.Because i just cant try...no matter how hard...I just cant do it.And I miss Josh,I miss those same things,the talking,the laughter,the closeness.I miss feeling like I was important.I never really felt that someone ever made me feel important besides Kyle.And Josh?He did do it.Looking back,he was just caring,just trying to make me care.About something.About anything.The "friend"makes me feel so damn sad sometimes.So shitty..so unimportant.I dont want that.I dont want to be called names or for me to call him names.I want the once in a while arguments,but i still want the respect.I wish I could talke to the "friend"about all of this,about any of it,but I would say something wrong,or I would have the wrong feeling.Something would be "wrong".Josh would say its all about me...its always about me.But i wouldnt be wrong.It should be about me if I feel a certain way,someone should take the time out to listen to me and let me say what I need to say..and now I laugh about it because I would get so mad at him..when really?It was about me...but he listened.I miss the listening.And I really miss the talking.Yea...alot of things have been making me think lately.To many...not enough?I feel as though I dont get enough thinking anymore.I dont enjoy things as much as I useto.I dont try as hard as i useto.I couldve laid on that grass forever tonight.I couldve opened my eyes long enough to make me think.And close them forever.Close them forever and leave me thinking. 12:34 a.m. - 2006-07-18 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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