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----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Seeing is believing I tossed and turned last night.Maybe due to the stale hot air,or Ty and his friends laughing loudly.Or maybe because of my dream.But I will tell ya something that I am sure of....it was so not fun.Between my happiness of the Vernage and my sadness of what is not,I am loopy.Last night I couldve sworn that Vern drove past.And slowed down at the house he thought was mine,even though I told him it wasent.But I wasent to sure because of the fucking huge tree in my way and the lack of windows and or space I have to see outside.So today my thoughts went from happy to sad and sad to happy to just wanting to go to bed to just wanting to run forever.I kept myself busy.The folks and I and Ty walked to lunch,only to have my dad trying to get me to bring Ty to some bar thing where you could drink for hours upon hours for five bucks.Hmmm...not a bad idea,but not a great one to have with an 11year old tagging along.So of course I stayed behind.And because I stayed behind with thoughts of beer,I had a couple put away in the freezer and then I made water balloons.Lots of em.Maybe about 100,maybe less,but it was alot of work.Work I USETO do.Work I USETO enjoy.And its not that I didnt enjoy it.Just not here.At my house.Where I had to run up and down 3 flights of stairs only to be blinded each time I went outside since my hell is dark,and of course scorching hot.I kept thinking through out the day about my happiness and sadness.And how I wish I had a porch to sit on.And how if I had a porch to sit on,I wouldve saw more then what i saw through my window,through the big fucking tree.I wouldve known for sure that what I saw was actually what I saw.And how I USETO have a porch.And how I USETO sit and watch.And how I USETO see things and how I wish I could see things and how I am at lease trying to see things.Things I USETO see,things I enjoyed.Things that I saw.Things that I see,instead of just seeing nothing. 9:12 p.m. - 2005-06-11 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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