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drugged up dreaming

I woke up feeling scared last night.I didnt even want to open my eyes.Stupid
dream.It was a "drug"dream.With the Vernage,with me,with the kid,with police.Most wouldnt think that what I know is a big deal,but let me tell ya something...it sure the hell is starting to be with me.In my dream,I fought with the Vernage because of the drugs,he had a house,and there were crackheads and cokeheads everywhere,and the kid and I got into the car where the kid wanted to leave his sled,but I told him "no"because we wouldnt be going back,so I got out of the car,to go get the sled,and thats when I saw the cops.And I had the dogs with me too.
I cant explain why I felt scared when I woke up,why I didnt want to open my eyes.I didnt feel safe in a way.And I know that I shouldnt let it bother me.The drug shit.But the more I think about the love,the future and my feelings,the more it bothers me.I dont like it,and I can not NOT care.Even when i try.But then here I am...I cant change it either.I dont want to change it.Its not my house,its not my friends,but I am begining to realize that it is part of my life and I am not liking it.

6:50 a.m. - 2005-12-20

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