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Knock Knock

**Make it Last**

I have been thinking of Kyle.Everything I see has been reminding me of him.Of us.I even saw the rug shop his friend owned.I never even seen it when he was still alive.Little things.Little things are everywhere.The smells,the waking up in the middle of the night,wishing and hoping.I think about the last time I went to see him and how long it feels.I think about the last time I held him and get angry.I think about all these stupid ....stupid things and I get so fucking mad at myself.I want to scream "JUST LET ME MOVE ON"...just let me fucking me okay.Let me forget,let me have the memories,let me just stop having my mind wander off into the past.Let me just stop.

*Chase The Moment Forever*

I feel lost.I feel guilty.Guilty that I share my bed with someone.Guilty that I feel guilty.Lost because I cant seem to get over it.Lost because it hurts still.And combine them both because I have a wonderful person in my life right now.I have this person who would actually do anything for me.He goes out of his way for me,and here I am,thoughts going through my head.Thoughts about someone else who can not be here.All the while,theres this wonderful person in front of me.This person who has no clue on whats going on.And only because he hasent knocked on the right door yet,and if he would,who is to tell if I would let him in?

7:36 p.m. - 2005-04-04

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