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Funny ways

I miss him and I am stupid for missing him.Funny how hearts can be.They open ....they close...they open.They close up again.It sucks when they close again.I have learned quite a bit about the heart these last couple of years.I have learned that when its open...its the most fantastic thing in the world,
It brings the butterflies to life,it makes you see more things as beautiful then ugly,you take everything in.You live.You feel.You hear.You breathe.You smile.You touch.You LIVE.And when it closes...it has got to be the most excruciating pain ever,your butterflies get poisioned,they sit in your gut...just sitting there,being lifeless.
You think everything is just that...
"everything",and you cant take anything in,because you cant breath,you cant feel,and you cant hear what anyone is saying to you.And you just cant fucking be alive,there is just not enough blood pumping to your heart.But then slowly and oh so very slowly....you let it open.Little by little...as much as you can get away with.And before you know it,after the butterflies have trusted you?After you start to feel?After you start to LIVE?After the pieces were placed in their spots in the puzzle?It just all goes back to what you are useto.It all goes back to being the same.Maybe my heart wasent "whole" enough to begin with.

7:58 p.m. - 2005-10-23

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