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starting over....again

He said:
"oh...this is going to be cute"
*____________________________________*

I acted like an asshole for a while today.That thing called jealousy.That thing that ruins all other things.And I cant be doing that crap.And he noticed.I noticed that he noticed.So I stopped doing it.Because what I was doing was stupid anyways.What I was doing was for no reason.What I was doing was because of jealousy and I had no right to even have that feeling.

My First Stop
*__________________________*

Bob came over last night.As soon as i got home.Just as I was going to sit in the tub,but the tub never happened.Instead I sat outside with him.And as soon as we sat in silence I knew that he knew.And if he dosent then I dont know what else to do or what else not to do.And my kid woke up and told me that I broke his heart.Because I yelled at him,and that broke my heart knowing that I broke his.And I yelled at him because I was outside talking to Bob and he wanted to know when I was coming in.And going to sleep last night was dreadful knowing that my kid said that.Waking up was a different story though.I woke up knowing that I had broke my kids heart.And I just didnt fucking care how Bob may have felt when we had our awkward good bye.I didnt care if I may have hurt his heart as well.Instead I made mac and cheese for breakfast and hugged my kid alot.

**I wanna hold the hand
inside you**

He said he was going to call me last night and when asked why,he said that he was wasted,so i told him that,thats the only way I would talk to him.And he patted my head a put his arm around me today.And I could feel the uneasiness of it all.And the uneasiness was okay.It was so okay that i wanted more of it.And he told me to have fun when I was leaving,and I told him that I always did.

*a knight into
my darkness*

I need to have my eyes open.I need to stop shutting them so damn much.Shut out the world,the feelings,the reality of everything.I want smiles to cover my heart.

5:08 p.m. - 2005-05-11

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