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----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Wake to the Sun You know what am mad about?Trusting someone.Loving someone.Letting some one down.Cause apparently I did.Letting someone into my life,into my kids,into my families,into my friends.Trying to get someone to understand me.Loving someone...oh did I already say that?Yea..I am pissed about that more then ever,cause if I never did,all the rest wouldnt have happened.I am about to go nuts.I am about to just leave.A weekend trip of some sort.Cause I just cant do this.I hate this.THIS being me right now.Hating shit,being confused,not sleeping when I should be and sleeping when I shouldnt bne.MAKING IT ALL GO AWAY.This is the longest realtionship I have had in 3 fucking years.I ACTUALLY put my heart into this.9 months.And for what?To realize that cokeheads are just that and you cant change them?To realize how hurt feels again?To realize that dreaming to much is sometimes to much? *What a WONDERFUL feeling* I bought glitter today,for Kyle.Oh yes sweet Kyle.The one that shouldnt have gone away.The one that MADE me learn to live.The one that taught me how to live and learn.Stupid isnt it?To hold on?To care?To want certain things?At first I compared the Vernage to him,and yes...that was wrong.But after a while,I learned.I learned to learn,to be taught.And there was no more comaparing,there was no more of remembering.There was just what I had,and to love what I had.And it worked for a while.It worked.Damn it.My heart opened.And it opened so fucking great.And I let it be played with.Like a toy.Like a puppy finding a new god damn toy.The puppy starts out loving it,caring for it,playing with it and in the end?Its a tangled mess thats everywhere,and ya pick up the peices..and you just fucking deal with it.And good luck to that 5:19 a.m. - 2006-02-04 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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