Photobucket I have said to much

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Vowing to being done

I felt like I should be 18 or 19 today.You know...the time I so called missed out on.Cause I did the whole kid thing.The whole so called "family"thing.And here are these girls that are about 18 or 19 or maybe even 20 but I still felt like I could be like them.Like I needed to be.Kindof like I missed out on it all.But I also thought that they were being stupid.Like they wanted to be noticed,they wanted to have stories.And then I thought that it was all okay cause,well,it just wasent the life that I lived,although wanted to,so why not enjoy these girls having a good time?

**does anyone remember?*

Sometimes I cant even remember my time.My so called "teen"years.I know that I useto hang out in this wrecked house and that I was friends with the guys that were fixing it up.Then I met Dan and had better things to do.Then I got pregant,and I wanted better things to do.Then I had the kid and I did have better things to do.And now that the kid is older.I want my time to live.To have fun.To not try to have a so called family.And maybe thats mean but I really dont care.I wont have this stupid family where there is a white picket fence and bla bla bla.I have never really lived a full life yet.My teenage years were wasted on fake love which led to real love in the end.I had no 'real"problems back then.I didnt do alot of drugs.I smoked once in a while....I drank alot.Yet nothing like now.Maybe because of the whole"I gotta be responsable crap"I have no clue.But even in the teenage years..I took care of me.I worked when I was 14.I was in eighth grade.The only one to have a job.
And I took care of myself.And I would pay for my friends shit all the time.I was cool.I was responsable.I was 14 and I was cool and responsable all at the time.Now I am 28...trying to be responsable yet these younguns haveto remind me of my wasted years.My plan was to stay home...rent some chhech and chong movies,and just go with it.Get all high by myself and laugh.Instead,I hung out with Danyel,mel and her sister.I vow right now NOT to go out with anyone this week anymore until I go see my Violent Femmes.Nope....I am done.I wanted this to be an early night.A nice smooooth night.Back to not answering the phone.Back to me.

2:10 a.m. - 2005-07-03

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