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Unseen questions

No One Wants To Know
The Reason Why

I havent been "happy"in a long time.I always think I am,and when I think I am,I always find certain things that MAY make me happy,but they really dont.Tonight I somewhat took my unhappiness out on my kid.Not in a bad way,actually a very good way.he went with adopted son tonight.He spent some of the morning with me at work til the Vernage got him.The Vernage dropped him off and he called me at work from adopted sons house,came to work for dinner with the folks,said that adopted son was going to sleep over,called me at work and asked to go to adopted sons families house,called me from the adopted sons families house to tell me that he would be home and that adopted son was still sleeping over.And he came home alone.Without adopted son.He hasto clean his room.So I ask my child about the night.The day.Whatever.I spent it without him.He said that it was different.At the adopted sons families house.I am sure it was.

You Live Your Life
You Go In Shadows

What kind of family do I give my child?
I dont.Sure,we are a family....but are we a real one?The ones that people see?The ones that people watch,that people hope they can have,the ones that people try to have?What makes you a family?To be there for each other and to care?To spend time and love one another?And if thats what makes you into one,then why do you want more?Why do want the kind of family that you see,the kind you hope for?That one day it just wont be what you know and something you want to have and learn to have?

Dont Put It All Into A Mirror

The child hasent been "happy"for a while either.He really hasent been "happy"since I have been.Which makes sense.How can I make him be "happy"when I cant make myself right?I wanted him to spend the day with Vern.I wanted him to hang out with him and get to know him,and just feel"something".And he did.I asked him about his day with him and he DID have a really good time.And I liked that.My kid had a good time with a male figure.He trusted that male figure enough to WANT to go.But I think I am fucking up.Fucking up to have him get attached to someone again.

11:52 p.m. - 2005-12-23

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