Photobucket I have said to much

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Sick of trying

On Holidays

So heres a little story...I felt like Jeffery Dahmer tonight,since he hit close to home and all.Me and the kid had filets tonight...I dont eat red meat...I love it but stopped eating it because I wanted to take care of my heart(yet would pump other toxic relationships and habits into it)but lately I have been feeling like I should have some protein,some meat,some nice red meat...it looked like a fucking heart,and if it didnt look like one,it just reminded me of one kindof...gross.Disgusting.With all the true crime books I read and stuff?It made me feel like Jeffery fucking Dahmer,and it was okay,I mean..kindof over done and whatever,but good for something that disgusted me 45 minutes before.So then i laughed about how it made me feel.Then I thought about how i will never get skinny and how I shouldnt have taken that little binge and not worked out.I wouldve never eaten that shit.And all of a sudden I felt like shit,and that maybe I took everything on and it was to much?So I threw it all up.Stuck my finger down that sweet old throat that I havent felt and such a long time...and it still didnt feel to good.

10:20 p.m. - 2006-01-09

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