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----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I live on lawnchairs I feel like such a god damn whore.I feel so so so awful.I looked back.On ALOT.I went from one to another.All the while still had that one.That one that you thought you would always have,only to end up with thats all had.And you didnt want that.Oh I so read this thing.Because I do want to share.I want someone..anyone to understand me and not judge.But I had to make sure.And now I am sure.How can anyone that knows me read this?How could I ever put that much trust in someone?Yet I love to type,write.Its me.Im not a bad person.Just trying to find my way in life. *Ill always be there I fucked up so god damn much.And HE was always there.While I was fucking up.Its all about letting go isnt it?Trying to?Trying to do things differently.Trying to have something mean anything?I read alot of my typing tonight.I havent done it in a long time.And I realized how much I jumped.One led to another.Always comparing.Always being reminded of HIM.The Vernage is the spitting image of him in most ways.The uniform,the drunkenss.The not knowing.Some had the eyes.The understanding.The fun.Bob,Tony,Josh,Mike,Mark.Wow.Did I sleep with them all?Even after a while?Or did I just have "something"with them all?Where the FUCK did i go?What the FUCK have i done to me.To myself.To me god damn it?Why?Why me.Why dont I know what happened?Why do I think I know what happened?Why do I haveto know what happened?
1:18 a.m. - 2005-07-31 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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