Photobucket I have said to much

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take me with you

I forgot about it today.Forgot it about it all.The cousin called me while I was at work...hung out with him for a bit and then went to the bar...where no one had a clue.I smiled and I smiled and I laughed and I laughed...no one had a clue that tonight ...today killed me.I place myself with happy people because i need to be happy,and I am far beyond happy.And I told that big mexican how I slept with Tony and Christye and how I lied about it.Some things just dont matter to me..especially about the past.people fuck up right?Prescribed medication made me fuck up.So I was fucked up.I kindof just dont care anymore.Its been four years since I had something...anything to believe in....relationships are just that...i am not going to try....i cant try...its just how I am.I dont want anything all serious..anything at all.I cant be happy in a relationship..he made it this way.And somethines I get so mad at him because he lft me like this and then there are those times that I just wish someone...anyone could be like him.Oh geez..he was a good boyfriend..the best ever...we had our problems but nothing that we couldnt deal with.I had a good guy...I did.He was cool....and he left me to do what?To do this?To seep with ex boyfriends and to sleep with people that have had a girl forever and to sleep with someone that could give me lesbian experiences?I was never like this...I always talked but I never got stupid.I miss him tonight.I miss him with every fucking thing I have.He did a number on me.He was my life...and he continues to be even after he has been gone.Sometimes I get so fucking mad at him ...for leaving me to be like this.I know I am fucked up.His best friend...my best friend confirmed it.Im fucked up.Who wouldnt be?I loved him...I loved him.And I continue to love this guy.My happiness is only for the simple fact that I HAVETO be.Its my life.I have a chance at it.I haveto live it...but sometimes...sometimes...I just want to be where he is.Sometimes I just NEED to be where he is.I want hs touch back,,,his goofiness..I want it all back.And sometimes when I am fucked up?Sometimes when I am fucked up...I am with him...so maybe I am weird and maybe I am fucked up...but thats where I want to be...and thats where I want to be with him.

2:34 a.m. - 2007-06-22

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