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Time is on your side

Cleaning the soul

I sat up for a bit last night.Thinking.
Thinking of what I have been doing.
Getting rid of the past,holding on to the memories.I will soon be getting a new car.One that Kyle will never be able to drive.One that he will never be able to see.It hurts.Not as bad as it wouldve last year.Or the year before.
Yet the pain remains.People say that time heals all.They say it gets easier.I dont believe in that.I think that as time passes,you just learn to do things differently.You learn to let go while still holding on.Time dosent "heal"you.Time dosent make things better.Time makes you move on,it makes you live,it makes you feel,it makes you breathe.I feel a little guilty.Getting rid of his things,but I also feel like I am not doing anything wrong.He would understand.I know he would.I will never get rid of the lamp in my room.That is one thing I refuse to get rid of.Only because sometimes he turns it on me for me to let me know that he is still with me.That he still cares,that he still watches.Thats what he does with the lamp.At first I was scared,then I cried,now when I come home and it is on,I smile and I tell him that he cant be doing that,the light bulb will burn out to fast I tell him.No,I dont beleive that time heals,or that it makes things easier.Time reminds us that we are still living,and we will still live with the hurt,the sadness,the happiness,time is there to remind us of what we have lived through,what we will continue to live through,and without time,we dont live.Right now all I have is time.And I want to live.

8:03 a.m. - 2005-09-19

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