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----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hold on tight to your dream I woke up on New Years eve at 10:30,I actually slept in,and as I was laying in my bed I thought to myself,"should I get up,or go back to sleep"?I am not very good with waking up late even though I deserve it once in a while,so I got up out of bed,and started cleaning.I bought new rugs for my bathroom the night before,they are my duck rugs and they make me smile,so naturally,I started with the bathroom where I came upon a hidden joint.So I deciced to tell myself "happy new year"and stayed stoned all day long.I was at the bar by 4:30,and stayed til 4 in the morning.I am kindof proud of the fact that I can handel that much beer and booze,without getting posioned. I hear people talk all the time.About how they had to drink because their life is shitty,how they drank a half bottle of this or that.And I think that they think I care.Or at lease that I should care.But I dont.I dont drink to get away from things.I drink because I like being drunk.I drink because I am happy drinking.I drink because what else is there to do?I didnt see him that night,at first it kindof bothered me,kindof like I needed to see him but after a while,I didnt care,I cant get hung up on every guy I meet,I cant sit and think that they are the "one",I cant think that I can move on without actually moving on.So today,I have a first step in my process of moving on.I get to go to the doctors to get my meds.Yea,most people think that that step is not a part of moving on,yet for me,it is.Its the only step I really never took yet.Its the one I skipped over,the one I didnt care about.And for some reason,I care now. I have eliminated certain people in the process of moving on,and although it sucked at first,I am happy with my choice.I dont miss Josh very much,when I was around him I felt "dirty"like I was forever doing something wrong,I knew that I couldnt have him in my life for a long time.I wouldnt be able to move on then.I wouldnt be able to live.And sure I think about him,I think about my grade school friends as well.People who I havent seen in years and years,and when I think about Josh,or Mark,even Kyles mom,those are people that i have not known in years,those are people of the past,people that will constantly remind me of what the past is and forever will be,but do i really need that reminder?
8:00 a.m. - 2005-01-03 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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