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\"IT\"

**How does it feel?**

Yeah..its different now..isnt it?You got PISSED at me which lead to me being pissed at myself.I dont know,maybe I should thank you.Thank you for making me feel so fucking worthless.Making me feel like I do.Like you deserve better.Like you shouldnt haveto deal with THIS now.Because now it is different.Nope...no turning back now.What is done is done with "US".You cant turn back.Its been done.And I hate it all.I hate everything.I dont even fucking care anymore.

I get tired
And I get weak

Thank you.Thank you for the weed.Even though I was careful with it..thinking it was oh so fragile...ha ha what a laugh.But I was careful with it.And I appreciate it.Yet dont deserve it.But whatever ..this is me,this is me now.....now that IT has happened.I just dont care...and it dosent feel very fucking good.

**Your different from me**

I remembered last night.How I useto be.How I never wanted fights and misunderstandings...and I remembered how I felt when it first happened...the last time.And I hated it.I hated it.I knew that that was "it"whatever "it"meant...that was it."it"happened so something was bound to happen.And it did.And I dont want to lose "it"again.I cant.I had thoughts.Damn it...I had them,and now I haveto just say fuck it.After all..."it"happened.

2:04 a.m. - 2005-03-20

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