Photobucket I have said to much

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the \"funny\"things

Hearts and thoughts
they fade away
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I can commit myself to things.Things like work,my kid,my dogs,but I cant commit myself to someone else.And I think that that is quite scary.I dont even want to try.I think I did want to try once.But I gave up because it didnt feel right.It didnt feel right to even want to try.And now I sit here and question why it didnt feel right.Maybe because with Kyle,it just came.I didnt haveto try?I didnt haveto try to make him happy,or myself.It just was like that with us.He was happy with me and I was happy with him,regardless of our arguements,the tears.We needed each other.It wasent hard to commit to something that just came to you naturaly
It wasent hard to commit when you really werent looking for it.I dont even know why I think about things like this.In a way I want to accept that it was a once in a life time experience,but
then I think that it just couldnt be just ONCE.Something that good just cant be a one shot deal.And if it has to be,then god damn it,why take that away from someone?

*I never Promised*

I told myself that I would not drink tonight,yea whatever.I might not have any beer,or any barcardi,but I have vodka,doctors,jager,alize,brandy,wine.
there is no reason for me to even try to think that I wont drink.I once told someone that if I didnt have any beer,I would just smoke,and if I didnt have any smoke,then I would just drink beer,but if I was ever out of both at the same time....I always have back up.The shit you dont drink unless you are desperate and just dont care.I found it quite funny.I also found it quite funny on how desperate I always am.One night I drank a half bottle of jack,just on the rocks,and when I woke up and saw how much I drank...I thought that it was funny because I really cant stand jack,but even though I dont like it,I managed to drink a half bottle of it,and it made me laugh.

6:05 p.m. - 2004-11-20

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