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Hurt is good

He came over the other night.And I didnt tell him.I still havent told him.Yet I am back with him.To me...its all about trying again,all about second chances I guess.I will give him another one.And with giving him another one means forgiving and forgetting so thats what I am going to do.And truthfully?The pictures?Right now they mean nothing to me.Its the forgiving part that means something to me.He is not bad.Maybe he has some problems but dosent everyone?I dont know...he has stuck by me through alot.Through me not talking to him not once but twice...and he still tells me that he loves me...what else is there to do but give a second chance?This is a guy who has sat there and watched me cry,a guy who has sat there and watched me fall...and here he is ....still there.Thats got to mean something.On a whole different note....I went to get some work done the other day...some skin work,I was disappointed that my guy wasent in,but he called me tonight,and my idea for my tat..is fucking great.It means alot to me and I need it done.And I am ready for the pain.I know it sounds dumb,stupid...whatever,but I am ready.
I need something to take my mind off everything.I need a different level of pain.My child stoled a milk from school the other day,I dont know what to do with him.I understand that he is at "that age"but FUCK that.A milk?I dont want this to happen.I dont want my child to do this crap.he shouldnt do this bullshit to me...yet there is always a reason for it,and sometimes that reason is way to deep and I think that right now...thats the case.It hurts,so does the Vern situation,so does the job...so does the life,and this would be why my idea to get work done is a wonderful thing right now.I useto be secertive with how i felt...then I opened up,then I noticed that being opened dosent really help much,so I have learned that when I hurt,I can hurt....but its a different hurt,its a good hurt,and I am ready for a good hurt right now,and I think I deserve that good hurt cause I am quite fucking tired of hurting and feeling like shit.

2:52 a.m. - 2006-02-11

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