Photobucket I have said to much

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Ready

He shouldve stopped...or at lease thought about slowing down.Something.Anything.I had a good time with the neighbor...whatever his name is.But we had some good conversations,good weed,and of course good Miller Beer.

Its not like I felt bad being there with the neighbor.He tried a bit but mostly it was something like...hey were friends.Yea...and when I asked him why he decided to talk to me "all of a sudden"tonight...he said that I looked ready.Whatever that all means,I wanted Vern tonight.I want to write him a card,and putm my stupid glitter glue all over it.I want to say what I need to yet,I have done that in the past and its gotten me no where.I want to tell him that I fucked up and thats how I feel yet I know that maybe it was a begining to an ending but maybe there is no ending....or begining.But to me it dosent matter.I want and need to tell him these things yet I need to hold back.I NEED TO HOLD BACK.I dont want to fuck up anymore.I want things to be REAL to me.I want certain things now.I am READY.I do want to try things out.I am READY.Maybe I am this time.Maybe its al some fake thing I have going on again.Whatever it is.I feel sort of ready.More then before.I will and can tackle this Vern thing.Even if it means nothing or everything.I am ready to be READY.

2:23 a.m. - 2005-06-28

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