Photobucket I have said to much

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

thunderstorms

I am not to sure if I can forgive AND forget.I think counseling may haveto be in the near future for myself.Why you ask?I cant get over shit.I cant get over being hurt and disrespected.I cant get over the fact that I am not good enough or the fact that he could not tell me the god damn truth.The fact that he took our marriage and choose some old ass friendship over it.It runs through my head several times a day.ALL OF IT.And for someone like him to say "well it was just stupid" ...yea...it was,but you dont know what it does to me and have no fucking clue how bad it hurt and how I wish not to fucking feel that fucking feeling.My whole life.And here I sat and thought it would be different? I TRUSTED.I SPILLED.I let him know the real me...only to be in the same boat as I always have been.Am I that fucking stupid?No....No.I am not and thats why I am so bleh.I am so easily hurt and wish like I could feel that feeling as if I am the ONLY ONE.He made me feel like I will never be.His eyes will always wander.His mind will be on others.He will look at me and wish I was someone else.Now...now...I did not do this to myself.I was getting better with this kindof shit and then there was a blow.And another one...and just as I was getting o.k. Of course there was another one.I didnt eat today.Only because I got up to late for the gym.I dont plan on eating tomorrow.Why?Who the fuck cares.Nothing ever changes does it?

4:51 p.m. - 2014-06-30

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

previous - next

latest entry

about me

archives

notes

DiaryLand

contact

random entry