Photobucket I have said to much

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beautiful crayons

its been a while...I missed writing.Seems a though all I do these days is worry.About everything,and think...about everything.But it dosent goes anywhere.Just stays in my head,,rolling aroung or whatever it does.Wendy is dying.My boy is changing.My life wants to go elsewhere and my heart?My heart is confused.I want to leave.Not because I am unhappy...not all the way but because I am unhappy.Does that make sense?I want to live more then what I am.I want to go...I have NOTHING here.NOTHING.Tony is a great guy...I dont need a great guy..I dont think I want a great guy.I have an awful job and no real friends here.No dog and no kid.What the fuck do I come home to?I secertly think that Tony takes alot of control over me wthout me kindof knowing,I want to do better for me...and he takes that away.He dosent want to meet me at the gym...instead he offers me beer.Of course....I go for beer.I useto be so happy with him and now Im just ....with him.Things change..people change.I have changed.I cant better myself with him.But how do you tell someone that?I dont really know if I am ready to leave all this behind yet what is all THIS?Ill leave the dog...the house...my garage...my projects that I have done.And my memories.Yet Im ready I think.I think.wendy is dying...what other friend do I have?Work friends?Screw them.I have no one here anymore.I have no one anywhere really.I know what I need and thats a break.By myself...I know this.But where to go?I have no where to go.I cant get up and quit my job.I cant get up and just leave.I cant just get up.Where does an alcoholic and an addict go?Because thats what I am here.When does it change?Is it ever going to change here?will it ever change here?Who the fuck cares anymore.Really?WHO THE FUCK CARES?I dont.Cause in the end?Im still left with nothing.

1:00 a.m. - 2012-08-25

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