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----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I was as quiet as a mouse.... Soooo....I continue to fuck Casey.Yes..thats his name.He gave the attention I wanted and needed,and would only allow me to stick him at work.And he tried and he tried.And so I added him on facebook and hinted him that I did.So began the texting...the emailing.The soft touches.The hanging out.The laughs.The feeling of fucking just bliss.The being myself.The music.The fucking.The touching.The wetness between my legs.The exchange of words.The exchange of notes.Of smiles.We fall easily, we both agreed,lets take things slow...we both agreed.Tony got pretty worried,so came the texting to Casey from Tony.I told Tony we only made out...my realtionship is BULLSHIT.Do I love Tony?Maybe.I dont know anymore.I know I love him as a person,but I dont think I am in love with him anymore.It was going to happen.Sooner or later.For over 2 years now things have been rough and things have not been happy.Who is kidding who?So ,like any other time...here comes someone who pays attention to me,who gives me the words I so want to hear and gives me those things I want so much to feel.But really?REALLY?This isnt a Jimmy thing.This isnt just a thing.This...THIS?It hasto be something.I spend time with Casey listening to music,and being myself.And he makes me feel like crying half the time because I am that happy being able to be myself.He makes me CDS.We talk about shit that I cant talk about with anyone.He comes up to work and as soon as I see him?My smile is REAL.We relate on so many levels.I miss him when I think about him and I miss him even more when he leaves me.He is honest with me and tells me not to be mad...but he thinks I am less attractive when I am trashed...he tells me that he would cut me off...he tells me that he wants me to himself.Oh yes,all the things I need and want to hear right?Falling...falling...falling.Who's catching me now?I would like to move out.A separation so to say...just to see what could and would come out of it.I am falling deeper and deeper,I think about him all the time.I sometimes think that he would be JUST THE RIGHT person to lay with on grass...look at the clouds...listen to great fucking music and hold hands..and thats all we would need.And want.I feel the connection with him...I feel something there that i need and want more of.And its more then what I needed and wanted with the others.I think he might just be my missing piece,cause so far?I have given up a 4 year realtionship,and I am actually happier than I have been in a long time. 2:09 p.m. - 2011-10-13 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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