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----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- diaster strikes Everyone has choices right?You can do right or you can do wrong.Im working on my realtionship yet I think about another,,,,,and where it could have gone.Would I still be stuck with the same feeling I do have?Or would EVERYTHING be diffeent?I think about Kyle..I think about jim and I even think about vern.Arizona is where I shoud be right about now....or at lease planning it.Mayb e not with vern...but he did always fullfill didnt he?Okay sometimes.we had tons and tons of fun together.we were friends that never even needed to cheat cause it never mattered.So I am working on my realtionship.Trying to get Jim out of my head but god damn it...his eyes get me.His eyes..his words...his laugh...Im stuck on this guy yet,,,,where is it ever going to go?Who do I love?Really?Im stuck in the past.Kyle has me.He has my heart and I dont know when and if I am ever willing to give it up.It sucks.I dont know what I want anymore.Yet...hasent it always been like this?I want my cake and I want to eat it too.I dont wanna do these things by hurting people or getting hurt....so how does this work?I cant have sex with just one person for the rest of my life..blame it on the so called rape...blame it on what the fuck ever..but I dont think I can.I am looking for a part time job,to pay for Skynyrds teeth.Am I happy about that?No...but I haveto do what i haveto do.Right now I am working 50 hours a week....school starts in October so I have limited time on finding another job to make sure my dog is ok...if I dont ?He dies and oh boy so do I.I cant do certain shit anymore.I cant do this anymore.I need friends and I have none.I need time and I have none.I want to be hugged.I want to be held.I want everything to go away and nothing works.Im trying at everything I need to try at,,,,,and it just dosent work.Had a meeting tonight at work that lasted til 10.Tony went and slammed the bedroom door shut.Why?I dont know what to do anymore...its like I am no longer a person yet a statue just there.Wanna pay for my fucking dog?Wanna pay for school?Im sure,,,but here are choices....and with those choices are the rights and wrongs and I am okay with choosing my way which is the right way...no help.Ill do everything on my own.Thats my right way.So I shall get my second job and get my dogs teeth pulled and I shall go to school and continue to work.Im okay with all of this....this is MY right way....and I chose this 11:49 p.m. - 2011-08-15 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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