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----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Chase your dreams I was an hour late this morning for work.I really didnt care.I have been working so much lately that it kindof felt nice to be late.Tony and I talked last night again.He said that he didnt care if I had guy friends but yet I am always sneaky when I have them,this is totally untrue.I talked to Vern all the time until Tony got on my case,I talked to Josh up until Tony got on my case,it was only then that I got sneaky.You just dont drop a fucking friend.And I did.Vern I could care less about,he pissed me off half the time I talked to him anyways cause he was always trying to talk shit.So i talked to him about Jimmy,he said that he wants it done,when I tried to explain to him that Jim was a friend...he said that I dont need guy friends without him being around.WTF is that?I can fuck anyone whenever I want,it dosent matter if Tony is here or there.I explained to him my idea of commitment,which he didnt like that either.So here I was last night trying to talk to him and trying to explain certain things and he did say that he is here for me,but that he dosent think that I should haveto go off with some guy and talk to thm about this or that,isnt that what friends are for?Whats wrong with tlking to someone about issues or problems that you have that you may feel as if you can only talk to one person?I dont get shit anymore.I think he has got my head so screwed that I never know what to fucking think.He messaged Jim through yahoo,although he says that he didnt,I dont believe him,and so instead of hanging out..I went to work.I was looking forward to hanging out and even "laid"my clothes out the night before.Funny,and stupid I know,but I felt like a school girl with a secret crush.And it made me happy.Certain things make me happy and I feel as though I have not been happy for a while,so why not change it?I dont know.Maybe because I am scared to change ..yet again,I dont know what the reason is,but I do get this funny feeling of butterflies coming to life when I think of him.Leaving to go up north for the weekend.Tonys brother is coming with.I wold like to go by myself one weekend.And sleep.I dont sleep enough,Im outside watering the garden at 3 am and I wonder why I dont get up in time for work.Sleep is a waste of time though,and I have wasted enough time in my life.... 3:05 p.m. - 2011-07-21 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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