Photobucket I have said to much

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Baaaaaa humbug

Holidays do nothing for me but bring up old memories that I stashed in my head for a reason.Holidays are here to remind me is all.Tonight I sit in my house with a 40 ouncer of the high life while Tony sits with his family and does Christmas.I didnt wanna go and I wasent going to go.His sister in law pisses me off.I can not stand the sight of her at the moment.She is best friends with dyke and I am sorry...but you wanted nothing to do with her then...but now you will?Its just little things.The sister in law...the kid.The ex wife.He is doing the court thing...my kid cant watch his...yet her herion addicted neice can.Thomas causes problems.Thats all he does.It pisses me off cause as much as I wanna be cool with him...I can not.He is his moms kid and that.....is for sure known.Im sick of holidays already.So sick that after 4 days...I got me some smokes.Cant do much else.....after all.....Dyke dosent want this ...she wants that.Im tired of not being able to I guess do whatever.Tony is forever thiking I am unhappy.He asked me if i was cheating on him.....and if I was doing drugs.All in one fucking night.Half of me wished...they other half was okay.Im better off by myself right now.I dont want to be bothered and I wish to do what I please...which isnt much.I want a great paying job and my child to do well.I want his dad to die and I want the dyke to die.I want to dance to my music and I want my world back.I have yet to eat today and most likely I wont.In time I will let my medication slip down my throat and that will bring me where I am going to go.I have raised a 16 year old mostly by myself.I am grateful that Tony does what he does for him.For us.I can not do the same and I dont tend to.I thought perfect was where I was 3 -4 years ago.I hate holidays.Theres no reason to haveto visit family or feel as though its such a family fucking holiday.I guess I dont want family filled holidays.I dont like them....and I sure the fuck am not going to act as though all is ok and have them.My tree isnt even up...ha.I hope it dosent go up.

6:02 p.m. - 2010-12-18

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